Feeling lonely is… lonely! I’m totally with you on the fact that losing your mom, your dad, or both parents is one of the things about this life that I find is the most challenging thing we have to face as humans.
Feeling lonely or alone is totally normal, especially after such a significant loss. I’ve discovered that loneliness comes from wanting something that’s outside of you and in order to feel less lonely, you have to start an inner conversation with yourself. Doing this begins the process of feeling a little bit less alone in the world.
You have to go inside yourself to heal and to get your needs met, so you can be independent from wanting something outside of yourself. It’s hard and kind of weird at first, but can be done with practice, patience, and gentleness for yourself.
Here’s a list of “5 things you can do to feel less lonely right now” I came up with to help me get a little more power back inside, and has helped me to feel less lonely, perhaps this might help you, too:
1) Write a list of 10 things that you like or love about yourself, and write it as if you are someone else.
EXAMPLES:
Sarah, I love the way you are able to be totally present when someone is sharing their feelings.
Sarah, you’re an amazing friend and confidant.
2) Write a list of at least 5 times you helped yourself without the help of anyone else and thank yourself. Use your name as if you were someone else.
EXAMPLE: Sarah, thank you for putting money in your savings account so you could help me to buy a house that helps protect me. I feel very taken care of by you.
3) Circle the statements from both lists that you are most proud of or have the most positive memories around.
4) Write the following statement down (or something similar) and put it somewhere you can see it everyday:
(You can also download the image above by right clicking on the image and pressing SAVE.)
5) Read these 4 items above everyday. It will be even more helpful if you can do this for at least 21-30 days or more until you feel a little less lonelier than you did on day 1. If you can, read them out loud in front a mirror and look into your own eyes. If you aren’t able to read them in front of a mirror, read the to yourself silently or out loud in a safe, judgement free space. The safest place might be being alone for this – I know, the irony!
I hope this helps you on your journey towards healing. Your parents will never be overwritten or forgotten, but you can move forward and get to experience new things and the joys of life again.
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Let me know if I can support you in anyway. You can tune into my international radio show “Losing Your Parents” live on Wednesdays @ 1pm Pacific, subscribe to the archive via iTunes or BlogTalkRadio, tweet me, write me on facebook, call and leave a message (626) 671-LISA (5472), email me, read my blog or
subscribe to the blog via email.
Warmly,
Lisa
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I lost both of parents @ 22 and 27 to cancer. I now work to inspire others on my blog, LosingYourParents.org, and journey through my own grief healing process using creativity and self expression.
Please share this resource with others so that we can learn to heal our hearts.